I graduate one week from tomorrow...

one week from tomorrow!

oh-my-god..

You know, it is sad, but I think right now I'm more excited. I feel like the last four years have been a blast. I've grown a lot and I feel ready to move on and into the next phase of my life.

BUT... It's very hard not knowing what I want to do in life. I know I'm only 22 and I have time to figure it all out but its hard feeling like all my friends have it so figured out already. I'm really stressing about finding a good job. I mean, I know its my first job out of college and it won't be my dream job but I just really hope I can find a job which can teach me a lot. Theres one job I've found so far that I reallyyy want. Its at Revlon and the position is marketing coordinator and I want to at least get an interview so bad! I feel like its a position that could teach me SO much about marketing and one with a lot of growth potential.

Other than that job, I think once I get back home I'm going to look into going to some job placement agencies to see if they could help me at all. Or I may just try to get a paid marketing internship for the summer. I don't know.. we will see! AH wish me luck!

Retail Therapy

I had two huge tests today one right after the other.. I got about 4 hours of sleep.. I was stressed until the minute I handed in my second test to the teacher, shot him a "that was an awful test" look, and left the classroom. There's no use dwelling on how I did so I came home, put some makeup and nicer clothes on and went out by myself. I really enjoyed the rest of my day. All I did was go to Barnes & Noble and Target, but they happen to be two of my favorite places to browse (ok I didn't JUST browse). Anyways, $50 poorer, a book and 2 shirts later.. I came home to discover I was not the only one who turned to shopping..

"what did you think of the test"

"pretty rough, how bout you?"

"yea I failed- so I went out and bought a new pair of jeans.. god I'm such a girl.."

"I bought two shirts at Target.. i guess thats just what any girl needs after that kind of test.. a little Retail Therapy..."

Cosmo & Me

I think Cosmo was thinking of me when they wrote this article about the stresses of life as a 20-something. Let me begin by saying, I enjoy being 21. I do. Some of my friends freak out and think we are old already but I don't like to look at it that way. I think this is a wonderful age and I plan on enjoying it to the fullest extent. We are still living off our parents a little like when we were in high school but now they have a lot less control of us. We're legally allowed to drink, none of us are married yet and we still have plenty of time to play with each other. I have the best friends and I like that I am still young enough to be a little irresponsible. I can stay out late, all night if I want, and it's okay. Your only young once and there's no reason to hurry up the whole growing up process.

All that considered, I do agree that the 20's are definitely a very confusing and stressful time. I only have a vague direction in life right now. People ask us all the time where we see ourselves in 5 years.. the truth is I have no idea. I couldn't even tell you where I"ll be in ONE year. I might be in Grad School or I might have a full time job in NYC. I really don't know. It excites me and terrifies me all at the same time. I think thats what your 20's are all about. They're about finding yourself and sometimes that means winding up in unexpected places doing things you never considered.

Back to COSMO.. Heres the 5 turmoils of being a 20-something in this day and age from the article..

#1 "I have no idea what my calling is."
Sometimes I feel alone in this one. Most of my friends know what they want to be. Actually its the same for almost all of them, teachers. But thats not me, I don't want to be a teacher. Maybe it's trickier for me because I chose a field (marketing) not really a profession. I mean, you don't get a degree in teaching and then really have to think too hard about what your going to do with that. You basically just have to decide what grade and/or what subject. Marketing is a little more broad, you can market anything for all different types of companies. But I'm scared I'll never find a job I'm passionate about. That's really important to me. I want to love my job, maybe not my first job, but the job I settle into. So I definitely understand this statement but I guess thats what your 20's are for. Exploring your options and figuring out what it is that makes you happy.

#2 "I've never been in a long term relationship."
Oh god, don't even get me started on this one. I am single, and so are a bunch of my girlfriends. At 21 years old it is VERY difficult to meet nice guys who want a relationship. But sometimes you can't help but think there's something wrong with yourself. The truth is the dating scene is different now than it was for our parents. Growing up we always heard of people meeting their future spouses in college. Nowadays, your lucky to find a boy who even wants to spend the money to take you out on one lousy date. Its sad but true. College is now all about the casual no strings attached hookup relationships. For girls looking for a relationship and love, it just really sucks. And yes I know there are exceptions to every rule, some girls luck out and find boyfriends but that usually happens the first couple weeks of freshman year.

#3 "How long will I be emotionally dependent on my parents?"

I thought this one didn't really apply to me until I read the blurb about it. I call my parents for everything, I'll admit it. I call my mom when I need advice on school, internships, life decisions. I call dad when anything goes wrong with my car, computer or anything else electronic. Well I guess I can thank Cosmo for pointing out something I didn't stress about before but now I might have to add to the list.

#4 "Paying the bills keeps me in a constant state of panic."
I don't pay my own bills yet. But I'm sure this one isn't too far away..

#5 "Am I ever going to have the life of a real adult."
I don't really have this issue... I'm in no rush to be a real adult.. :)

Quarter-life crisis anyone?

I used to have an online journal a couple years ago that was read by most of my friends.. but I always struggled with the fact that people I know could read my thoughts, fears, hopes. The thought of people I don't know reading my blog doesn't make me nervous at all. Does that make any sense? I suppose it does. Obviously if I didn't want anyone to read my thoughts I wouldn't make a public blog but I guess I just don't want to have to see those people face to face. Or perhaps we can just be more honest with strangers.

I am a frequent reader of a few blogs.. Fish, Lori, and Devil's Advocate. I'd link to them if I had any idea how to do that. I have so much respect for the way they put their lives out there not only to strangers but to their friends, family, coworkers, and basically anyone who wants to read about their life. For some reason, the thought of people I know reading what I think about my life makes me very uncomfortable. I guess thats the insecurity in me coming out.

Anyways, heres the basics about moi: I'm 21 and a single girl looking for love. I'm graduating college in May and I'm freaking out a little. I don't know what to do with myself. Grad school, big girl job, internship, New Jersey, New York, I'm one confused cookie.

Okay its 3:40am and I'm tired.. group meeting at noon.. I consider that early.. sad, isn't it.. just wait til real life gets me.. I'm toast.. goodnight.